I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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