Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
