stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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