how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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