Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she pinky promised me she was 18
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
