we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
