my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
