Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
