Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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