she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
