Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
