"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
