3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
