thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
