sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i came on her dog
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
