I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
