I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
