So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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