I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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