I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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