Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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