mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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