Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
