Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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