he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
