Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
