i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ketchup is God's man juice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
