I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
should my penis look like a turkey
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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