Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
