You really coming over, don't trick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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