your parents love me but you hate me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
