im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
