Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
