I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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