If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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