i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
