Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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