dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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