DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
