I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
