Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
