if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
