After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
