Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
