did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
