oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
