I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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