It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
