He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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