Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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