just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
