Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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