Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
