Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
