I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
