yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
