Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
