everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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